#73. Freaks (1932)

"We accept you! One of us! Gooble, gobble!" - The Freaks

I first heard of this movie back in college when I worked as a clerk at the local Video Warehouse. I was really into horror movies, and so my co-workers were always telling me to watch this. For some reason, it was never on my shortlist of must-see movies. Perhaps it was that it had been built up in my head as this truly horrific movie with real side-show freaks, and I was maybe a little too scared to watch it. Plus, I seem to recall thinking it was a documentary. It isn't. 

So, now I've finally seen it (after having the Netflix DVD for over a year). Was it worth the hype? Sure. But was I "freaked out" by it? (Sorry, I couldn't resist). No, not really.

I was a little torn by how to feel about this movie. Was the director exploiting these people who were born with physical abnormalities? It's hard to tell. After all, the "bad guys" of the movie were two of the "normal" looking circus performers.

The main plot centers around the beautiful and conniving trapeze artist Cleopatra, who discovers that Hans, one of the circus dwarfs, has recently inherited a large sum of money. She then begins to plot with Hercules, the strong man, to marry and kill Hans. Not all of the "normals" in this movie are evil, though. Venus (I'm not sure what her job was) and Phroso (a clown) were very kindhearted and treated everyone with respect. It was hard for me to accept Phroso as a good guy, because you first see him in his make-up, and it was terrifying.

The plot was a little uneven as they kept weaving in vignettes of life with the "freaks" to showcase their talents with that of the main story of Hans and Cleopatra.

I won't spoil the ending for anyone, but it felt sort of like a really good episode of "The Twilight Zone." The aspect of this movie that sets it apart is that director Tod Browning employed real people with abnormalities as the "Freaks," but it was the "normal" people in the movie who were the real monsters.

Upon first release, the movie was not well received and lost a ton of money. It wasn't until the early '60s, and throughout the '70s and '80s, that it was rediscovered and gained cult status. There were several scenes that were banned from release and have since been lost, and the ending was changed three times.

Grade: ★★★★☆

Why you should watch Freaks: I would really only recommend this if you love horror movies. Or if you're watching with a bunch of friends and turn it into a drinking game. Everything's better with booze.

Why you should skip it: Bad acting. Cleopatra is just the worst.

Did you know? In the United States, this film was banned in a number of states and cities. Although no longer enforced, some of the laws were never officially repealed. Therefore, it is still technically illegal for this film to be shown in some areas of the US.

U.S. / RUNNING TIME: 64 minutes

PRODUCER: Tod Browning

SCREENPLAY: Clarence Aaron "Tod" Robbins, from his novel Spurs

CAST: Wallace Ford, Leila Hyams, Olga Baclanova, Henry Victor, Harry Earles, Daisy Earles

RELEASE DATE: February 20, 1932

BUDGET: $316,000

#381. Black Sunday [La Maschera del Demonio / Revenge of the Vampire] (1960)

"You too can feel the joy and happiness of hating." - Princess Asa

 Grade: ★★★☆☆

I'm usually not a fan of dubbed foreign movies. If I'm going to watch a foreign language film, I'd prefer to read the subtitles than suffer bad dubbing. So, that's my biggest complaint about Black Sunday. It's a classic Italian horror film that was shot in English, dubbed in Italian, then re-dubbed in English for the American release. It was a big hit in the '60s, and was actually banned in the UK for several years for its violence. One scene in particular was chosen as one of Bravo TV's 100 Scariest Movie Moments. I guess by 1960's standards, the opening scene was pretty gruesome, and I will admit that I averted my eyes for a moment.

The movie starts in Moldavia in 1630 with an ominous voiceover describing witch (or vampire) burnings, and how sometimes even family members were turning on each other to repel the demons. Cut to Princess Asa (played by Barbara Steele) and her boyfriend Javuto, who are in the process of being burned alive by Asa's brother. Now most witch-burnings end with the accused witch proclaiming their innocence to the very end. Not this one. Asa was all "F-you and your entire family!" So, she cursed her brother and his entire family line, declaring that one day she would return. He sees her curse and raises her one mask of Satan that he literally hammers into her face. Aaand that would be the scene that made it onto the 100 Scariest Movie Moments list.

Fast forward 200 years and we meet two doctors on their way to a conference in a nearby town. The older doctor, Kruvajan, insists they take a shortcut through the haunted forest. Sounds like a solid plan. Surprise, surprise, the inept carriage driver hits a log or a tree or something and the wheel comes out of its socket. So, instead of helping the poor guy, the two doctors decide to go rummage through the nearby dilapidated cathedral. Again, real solid, guys. They come across a tomb that houses the witch from the beginning of the movie. She's inside a fancy coffin with a window and a cross that keeps her from coming back from the dead. Young, attractive doctor, Gorobec, is wandering around while older doctor is still inspecting the witch's coffin, when older doctor is attacked by a huge bat! OK, I would have freaked out, too, but he just starts swinging at it and ends up breaking the cross and the window on the coffin! Oh, hey, since the window's broken, we may as well remove this mask of Satan from the 200-year-old corpse. What could go wrong? Seriously, where did these guys get their degrees? Eventually, the carriage guy shows up and tells them they need to leave. That's when we are introduced to Katja (also played by Barbara Steele). She's hanging out with her dogs in front of the church and immediately falls in love with the young, attractive doctor. I forget exactly what she said, the point of her being there was to reveal to the audience that she was the spitting image of Asa.

They eventually leave the church so that Asa can grow some eyeballs and call her boyfriend from beyond the grave. He climbs out of his grave (he wasn't a witch, so all he got was the Satan mask and buried in the ground) and starts killing people. But he has a plan. Everything is in order to help Asa completely come back from the dead. She's currently still trapped in her coffin for some reason. Cramps, I guess.

We meet Asa's father, who I'll call Prince Exposition because he tells us the entire story of Asa and her boyfriend and how their entire family is cursed because of what their great-great-great-great grandfather did. Asa also has a brother, Constantin. The undead boyfriend has made his way to the castle and now he has to get Katja to Asa's tomb so she can possess her body and live eternal life.

"I've been dead for 200 years, is there something on my face?"

SPOILER ALERT: the brother, father and older doctor die, Asa possesses Katja and the young doctor is very sad that the love of his life, whom he just met the night before is also dead. The angry villagers show up with torches and pitchforks (they found one of the Prince's servants murdered in the river and I forget why they immediately went to this abandoned church). Young doctor was able to convince them that Asa was in fact Asa and not Katja, because she was not wearing Katja's crucifix. These villagers were apparently in the bonfire-building business, because they were able to build one in no time! When it comes to witch-burnings, apparently the second time's the charm, because this one took. I think it had something to do with them killing her before sundown after she possessed Katja. Young doctor looks up and realizes that Katja is still alive. Hurray! The end!

This was a fine piece of Italian gothic horror, and also Tim Burton's favorite horror film. I can see that. I felt like I was watching the security camera from a Hot Topic. It was entertaining, and, like I said, I needed to avert my eyes a couple of times.

Why you should watch Black Sunday: I would really only recommend this to horror aficionados. 

Why you should skip it: Bad dubbing and the story wasn't very original.

Did you know? Barbara Steele would not get the scripts in advance. She would be given pages daily, and therefore had no idea what the story of the movie was.

Italy / RUNNING TIME: 87 minutes

PRODUCER: Massimo de Rita, Samuel Z. Arkoff (US version)

SCREENPLAY: Ennio de Concini, Mario Serandrei, Marcello Coscia (uncredited)

WRITTEN BY: Mario Bava (uncredited)

CAST: Barbara Steele, John Richardson, Ivo Garrani, Arturo Dominici

RELEASE DATE: 11 August 1960

BUDGET: $100,000

BOX OFFICE: ITL 139 million

#116. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

"Magic Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?" - Evil Queen

Grade: ★★★★☆  
 
There are probably a handful of movies that I can say actually changed my life. This is one of them.

It was the first movie my mom ever took me to see in the theaters. And it was the start of my love of all things Disney.

We arrived 15 or so minutes late and the theater manager agreed to let us stay for the first 20 minutes of the next showing.

My mom agreed, but she made me PROMISE that I would not cry or ask to stay and see the whole movie again. I was five. Of course I promised. Aaaand, of course I cried and begged to stay to see the rest of the movie again. (We didn't).

I remember the scene that was playing when we got there was one of the scary scenes. Snow White was running through the forest trying to escape the Huntsman and the woods were attacking her. (There seems to be a theme with me and the woods attacking girls -- see The Evil Dead). She makes it through the Haunted Forest and a bunch of animals wake her up and take her to a seemingly abandoned cabin in the woods. There's a long sequence of Snow and all the woodland creatures cleaning the place (because I want birds and chipmunks licking my dishes clean).

Eventually, the owners of the cabin come home from a long day of diamond mining and of course, they welcome Snow into their home with open arms, as long as she continues to cook and clean for them. Grumpy was a little hesitant, but he eventually warms up to her. 

Here's where it gets good. The Evil Queen finds out that the Huntsman tricked her and didn't really cut out her heart (this is a children's movie, right?). The Mirror reveals that she's still alive, so naturally she decides to take matters into her own hands. If you want someone killed right, you've got to do it yourself. It is here that we learn the Evil Queen dabbles in the Dark Arts. She turns herself into an old hag (IRONY), grabs a poison apple and heads off to the dwarfs' cabin in the woods.

I think we all know how the rest of the story goes. Snow takes a bite, drops dead, the dwarfs are pissed, kill the Queen (isn't that kind of illegal?), the Prince shows up at the very end, kisses her, she wakes up and they live happily ever after. 

Then I saw the first part of the movie where we establish that the Queen is really, really vain and does not care for Snow White at all. Snow meets the Prince for exactly one song and falls madly in love with him. 

The Queen makes a deal with the Huntsman that he will take Snow out into the woods and bring back her heart. He feels guilty and so he tells Snow what's what and that she should hightail it out of the kingdom. Being the drama queen that she is, Snow starts to have a panic attack while running through the woods. Trees are grabbing her, logs look like crocodiles -- "OK, Kevin, it's time to go." "Can't we just stay for a few more minutes?" "No, let's go." Cue the waterworks...

It was this moment that I fell in love with all things Disney. This has stayed with me all my life and 6 years ago I made my dream of working for the Walt Disney Studios a reality. It's not always pixie dust and singing forest critters, but I've made some great friends there and I still love my job.

Why you should watch Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: It's a piece of cinematic history that firmly established Disney as one of the foremost studios in the world.

Why you should skip it: It was Adolf Hitler's favorite movie. Compared to animated films today, it's a little slow.

Did you know? The profits from this movie went to build the Disney Studios in Burbank, CA.

U.S. / RUNNING TIME: 83m

PRODUCER: Walt Disney

SCREENPLAY: Ted Sears, Richard Creedon

CAST: Roy Atwell, Stuart Buchanan, Adriana Caselotti, Eddie Collins, Pinto Colvig, Marion Darlington, Billy Gilbert, Otis Harlan, Lucille La Verne, James MacDonald, Scotty Mattraw, Moroni Olsen, Harry Stockwell
OSCAR: (honorary award - one statuette, seven miniature statuettes)
OSCAR NOMINATION: Frank Churchill, Leigh Hairline, Paul J. Smith (Music)